(Writer 1B:) I've already interviewed a "student officer," Megan Hodder. I plan to interview Wyatt Young (Campus Director), Abby Sites, Jonathan Surls and Steven Weeks. Others that could be interviewed are Christy MacIntosh, Tim Miles, Matt McCalley, Liz Step, Meredith Briggs and Paige Slusser. The Area Director is Kevin Dilbeck, but Hodder told me that he's usually not here because he's in charge of a few other schools' programs.
Definitely you wanna put Wyatt, Abby, and Christy at the top of your list because they are employed by Campus Outreach. I think they would be able to go more indepth about what Campus Outreach really is as an organization. I know Kevin personally. He is the regional head of Campus Outreach. I could get you contact info on him. He would be a top source for this story. He is a lot busier but I think you could at least try him first. I could give him a heads up?
(Writer 1B:) I interviewed Megan, Surls, Weeks, Abby and Wyatt. I did a a basic intro about CO with commentary and then the same on SBP.

(writer 1A) - since I am focusing mostly on Summer Beach Project, I have interviewed some students who will be attending this summer. I am also interviewing Christy MacIntosh. I've also done lots of research on cmpus outreach and summer beach project in general. So far I feel good about my story!

(Editor) For both writers. I really would like to know what you are going to focus on and how you are going to focus on them. Are you just going to explain Summer Beach Project? Are you going to try and relate it back to the Berry community? Are you going to explain what Campus Outreach is as a whole? etc. Just make sure that in your stories you have a definite lead and definite news to focus on. Even though this seems more like a feature we still have to have definite news.

(1A - hi editor, I don't know if your last entry was directed before we wrote the stories? I had my lead and then started off explaining and having quotes on what Campus Outreach was and then went into a focus on this upcoming summer beach project. If you have any specific suggestions let me know :) )

Sorry about that writer 1A. But I have read your story now and I do have some suggestions. First, I think you first sentence is a good lead in but the lead as a whole is not very strong. I suggest you add something like this to make it better. "Many of Berry's own students will be spending time at the beach through a program known as SUmmer Beach Profect" then go into explaining what Summer Beach project it. From there, you should then go into explaining CO. I don't think you went into enough depth and readers will probably go away without really knowing what CO really is. You should consider talking about what it is as a whole as well as mention its involvement on other campuses. EX "CO is an organization that is present on several campuses in the southeast. It's main aim is to etc. THey do many functions on campuses etc.... SBP is one of their biggest events etc...
About sources, I don't know if you have good enough sources. You have Wyatt and that's great, but interviewing two freshmen is not a good idea. I dont' see how they could be able to give you reliable info on SBP or CO. Although it may be a good idea to mention that some freshmen are planning to attend, you need to interview some older students who have been more involved. Some of these students may be Megan Hodder, Steven Weeks, Jonathon Surls and so on. They would know more. Also, if you can, get into contact with Abby or Christen, they are both employed with CO and probably would not be hard to find.

Editor- some more tips for 1a- there is a partial quote that I think just doesn't flow well in your story. it is the paragraph before the last one with jamie, you should revise this. Also, your last paragraph is a bit shaky. No disrespect but it could be better. You refer to a "team", what do you mean by team? You state that CO is "getting involved with SPB". I thought that SPB was actually an event that CO organizes. That would be confusing to some. You mention that there have been great responses from those who have attended but yet they are never mentioned in the story. This goes back to my above entry. Have you been able to schedule some interviews with some older students who have been to SPB and have been more involved with CO? What about Abbey and Christy? Good luck writer 1A.

So how is everything going writer 1A?

2. Mitch Terry profile - Mitch Terry, Coach David Beasley, other players and/or classmates
( Reporter 2B): Called Coach David Beasley per his request via e-mail and have interview set up with the coach for 10am @ the baseball field on Monday. Received an e-mail from Cory Pitts and he wants to do an interview with me on Sunday afternoon. Just waiting for him to give me a time. Got no reply from Mitch Terry using school e-mail. So I did a facebook search for him. He is on facebook. So I sent him message using facebook. This afternoon he got back to me. He can do an interview with me Monday. Just waiting for him to give me a time.

Hi there, Reporter.
It sounds like you have a good start on the profile! Let me know how the interviews go. You should probably try to find two..or at least one more.. other source(s) as far as other players/classmates. You could probably ask Mitch Terry for a suggestion on who to interview and he'll direct you to those who know him best. But, you seem to be off to a great start. Let me know if you have any problems or questions!
-Editor

Hi Editor:
Well I did an interview with Cory Pitts Sunday night and I think it went well. Cory gave me some insight to the kind of player Mitch is. Cory plays on the baseball team. I was to interview Mitch Monday but he e-mailed me and said he could not make it Monday due to some assignments he needed to work on that where passed due. So I interviewed Head Baseball Coach David Beasley and Assistant Coach West Monday morning. After checking with Mr. Peterson I e-mailed some interview questions to Mitch Terry. He should have them back to me Tuesday. I am also faced with the problem of no picture of Mitch since we did not meet for an interview. Mr. Peterson has advised me to get with Scott Dunford and see if he can get a digital picture of Mitch. I will check with Mr. Dunford Tuesday and let you know what he says.

(04/28/2010, 5:20 A.M.)

Hi Editor,

This is Writer 2A speaking. Sorry for not getting in touch into now. I have been scrambling to get this article together, but it is has been a success minus not being able to get a hold of coach David Beasley.

On Monday I interviewed coach Mike Power of Roswell High School whom managed Mitch during his prep career. He had nothing but good things to say about how Mitch carried himself on the baseball field during his time at Roswell.

Last night I interviewed Mitch's former prep teammate, Davy Wallach, who also roomed with Mitch during their freshman year at North Georgia. As it turns out both of them signed with North Georgia out of Roswell. Once again Wallach stressed that Mitch always wanted to win.

Later in the night I conducted interviews with fellow Berry seniors Harman Watkins and Matthew McCalley. They had different perspective since they really got to see Mitch grow not only as a baseball player, but as a Christian and a person in general.

My last interview was with Mitch. It was apparent that since he left North Georgia he has grown up quite a bit.

-Writer 2A

Reporter 2B - Do you want me to go find one or two more sources for my article? I have a total of four sources at this time.

Unless you can interview his roommate or a really good friend of his that could add more to the story than a teammate could- I think you'll be fine.
-Editor 2

Reporter 2B - This late in the process I am not sure I could find a roommate or good friend. I believe any students is preparing for finals at this point. Thank for your reply.

Writer 2B- Good job! I think you did really well with this article, but I do have a few suggestions to make it even better:
- The lead and the nut graph- can you rewrite them? Or combine them into one somehow? The nut graph just seems more like it should be the third graph (that starts with “Terry, a senior..”). Don't forget the Who, What, When, Where and Why in the lead.
- Also, in the nut graph, can you rewrite to leave his stats for another graph? Perhaps tell why the Berry Community should care about reading about him? His stats are impressive, but I feel like there are too many in that one graph. And for someone who doesn’t know much about baseball, this graph would not mean much to them. I feel like in this graph you should really emphasize why someone would care to be reading this article.
- I feel like a lot of the single sentence paragraphs can be combined into one. Maybe review some of the organization of the article.
For example: You mentioned that Coach Beasley is pleased with Terry’s performance twice, maybe combine those sentences into one before the quote.
- Some of the sentences are kind of wordy as well, possibly review these and rewrite ones that sound really wordy.
- When you say that Terry has “no plans for professional baseball” in the third to last graph, you start a quote, but don’t end it. Is this a partial quote? Or were the quotation marks put in on accident?
Keep up the good work! Let me know if you have any questions.
-Editor 2

3. Bike theft on campus - Bobby Abrams, Berry bike owners, perhaps Lindsey Taylor
Hi reporter 3B, with your copy in hand just go through and take a look at the changes I have for you.
I love your lead by the way. sorry this font sucks, copy/paste it into another document that should hurt your eyes less

• 'next step' ? I didn't realize we were on a step process, re-word that phrase and leave out the steps.
• Jonathon Hardin ? double check his name for me
• 'support services manager' ? double check his title, and check AP style
• 'campus safety' ? capitalized?
• 'definitely recommends' ? you switch tenses here, goes from past to present, re-word this phrase?
• Sarah Blackmon-Hughes ? double check her name
• 'she said.' ? use her last name, not she.
• 'worth' ? as in monetarily? if so, say 'price'
• 'All students need to do to register their bike...' This sentence is good, but is repeated in the 3rd sentence of this paragraph, so just delete the 1st sentence and begin the paragraph here with sentence 2.
• 'Campus Safety' ? as mentioned before, if Campus Safety is supposed to be capitalized then we're good to go, if not make sure all references in the story are the same.
• 'when a desperate student' ? this is opinion/biased, re-phrase. I like what you were saying but maybe just say 'when another student'?
• Anthony Phoxanalack ? check name
• ', a former Berry student,' you need another comma after student
• 'that occurred in 2008, his freshman year.' change to 'that occurred his freshman year in 2008.'
• remember to tab (indent) when you start a new paragraph
• 'they' ? (in quote) who is they? if he meant campus safety then replace 'they' with [Campus Safety] in brackets for inference, but do not misrepresent if he didn't mean them as 'they'
• Kendall Gadie ? check name, also include grade
• 'has a car but chooses' ? another tense change, rephrase sentence
• don't use 'according to' unless referring to documents, just use 'said'
• 'said Gadie, who was unaware...' you need a comma after his name, before 'who'
• move the 2nd quote up and make the first just a two-sentence quote, having it stand by itself down there looks awkward and it's not really that important to stand alone
• rephrase all the present tense parts of the last few paragraphs
• again, indent at start of new paragraph
• 2nd to last sentence should be your closing sentence
• is the last sentence a quote, if so, put it in quotes. if not then just begin the sentence with 'Hardin recommends yada yada'
• check AP style for including 'sayings' like the one you have for your closing statement there, should it be in quotes?
• good job on this, these changes shouldn't take any time at all

4. Students leaving and why - Dr. Andy Bressette and Bryce Durbin, students who have left or are planning to leave Writers 11A and 11B,
First of all, I think both of you did a good job with this piece. What’s interesting is that you each took opposite angles. So I’m going to use both of the stories and we’ll have a dual byline. The good news is neither of you need new sources, so rock on! One thing to address to both of you is the photos. I think that photographing downtown Rome is a great idea, however, I’d like to see a little more action, with people walking down the street or sitting outside. Broad Street is usually busy in afternoons and early evenings; perfect times for movement in photos. Also, 11B has more “no” opinions and 11A has more of a positive consensus, since we are combining, if either of you have ideas for a lead that would incorporate and introduce the idea of “mixed feelings” that would be wonderful.
Individually…
11A, I really appreciate the number of sources you got on this. I think I counted eight. And I really like the fact that you spoke with a commuter student as well. I would like for you to tell the reader what the discount card is that Tauna Aspley talks about (I don’t even know what this is); just a small general idea of what it does for students. I have a question about two different quotes: when Salcedo says, “It’s definitely hard for us…”, what does she mean at the end of the quote when she says, “…supplies us with materials too late.” And in Kazragis’ quote, “There are always…,” does she say business? Or businesses? (just to clarify). I also like how you ended your article, I really appreciate your work! So address these small items and try for an action photo! Thanks E11
11B, I also appreciate your sources as well! Brian Mullins was definitely a good find, that guy is everywhere! I like that you included Web sites for the Tribune and mullinsmania...good stuff. I have a question about Ali Duncan’s quote in your 5th graph, does she say, “…here’s just not much to do,” or, “there’s just not much to do”? Just to clarify. Also, what class is Leeann Foster? I believe her title is local commuter coordinator, that would be something to clarify. So, try for that photo and thanks again for your hard work. E11

11A here. Thanks for the positive feedback! It's such a relief to not have to get any more sources. Haha. And yes, when I thought the same thing about my photo when I was taking it. It was a little chilly when I went so hardly anyone was out, but I'll get a better one! I'll expand on the discount card. Also, Whitney did say "businesses." Thanks for catching that! Woohoo!

Hello! This is 11B checking in. Ali Duncan's quote should say "there's." I'm trying to get ahold of Leeann to clarify her class year and job title, and I'm also trying to think up something new for the lead. I was on broad street with camera in hand this afternoon, but was disappointed to find that I had memory card....but i'll keep trying. Thanks for the feedback, I'm really excited to see the articles come together!

Hello! 11B again. I spoke with Leeann again and she is a sophomore and her title is local and commuter coordinator.

--Mr. Hankey

Howdy ho, 19B!

Ok, let's hope my stuff doesn't get deleted this time...dang wiki.

Good job on your story. I think it really needs some more input from student members of the team. They're in training to learn how to speak well, so you should be able to get some good interviews! I'll dive into it more and get back to you about anything else that may need revising soon!

--Mr. Hankey

Howdy ho TSG,
Steven and Thomas would be good sources.
--Mr. Hankey

Dearest Student Guy,

I am also in need of a photo. So please get one for me or I will bathe in your blood tonight!! Ok, not really...but I do need a photo! Please and thank you!

--Mr. Hankey